Unhappy When Viewing the Rear View Mirror? Look Ahead For a Fascinating View
How to Stop Looking Back
When I kept checking the rearview mirror — looking at events of the past — it perpetuated my pain. I’d start with a review how I didn’t get promoted but really deserved it. Then I’d move on to the pain of my dissolved marriage, the hurt of a friend ghosting me, and perhaps ruminate over the way I was ripped off in a scam. This hit every sore spot I had - work, relationships, and money. What did looking at these events do for me? It kept me stuck and unhappy! Those things happened but looking back on them was not the way to move ahead. It was the way to stay upset, unhappy, and stuck.
One day, I had an ah-ha moment. I realized that for me to be sad or even keep crying throughout a day, I had to focus and bring to my attention the unhappy situation — again and again. When I consciously clung to my misery, I cried! This simple realization was a breakthrough for me. It showed me that I could have control over my emotions. If I kept checking the rearview mirror — in other words, looking at the unhappy event of the past — it would perpetuate my pain.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. When a tragedy or upsetting event takes place, you will need to allow yourself time to feel those crappy feelings. But as time passes, try to stop looking back, holding you in bad feelings and keeping you from happiness. Don’t strive or work hard to forget your pain or fool yourself that your tragedy didn’t happen. For an hour, a day, or a week, whenever you can, simply stop looking at it.
Imagination is a life saver
Imagine something much better as you look forward. If the view is cloudy and you can’t see through it, your imagination will need to kick in. What if, your bank account was stable, you began to see the benefit of your job in the scheme of your life, and you saw yourself happy, enjoying the day? Keep it simple and let your imagination give you feelings of peace and calm. What would YOU imagine that would bring you that peace?
Laughter is like medicine
Pamela Gerloff wrote an article for Psychology Today called You’re not Laughing Enough, and That’s no Joke. She talks about the benefits of laughter on your everyday happiness.
Smiling and laughing do a body good. Sometimes, when something makes me chuckle, I just expound on that thought and let myself have a good old belly laugh over it. Give it a try by allowing yourself to laugh more deeply today.
Put the Brakes on Worry
Worry affects me, not the person I’m worried about. When my sons call and relate something that’s scary happening in their life, I spend the next few days shaking that off. By the time they call again they can’t remember what was bothering them when we talked last. Sometimes the whole situation has turned around for them, but they didn’t update me. The worry affected me and certainly didn’t help them! This could be true for most things we worry needlessly about. When you catch yourself in worry, put the brakes on, and switch to think of something else.
Courage Quotes
There’s something about uplifting quotes that builds me up. I know that’s not true for everyone, but for me, it really works! If you search for specific quotes online, it yields many to choose from. A great quote can shift you from worry to something much more encouraging.
Allow yourself a small slice of happiness, every day. It seems simplistic and a bit unrealistic, doesn’t it? But trust me. Start small with a few of these baby steps to change your view from how you feel today, to just a bit happier. One step at a time.
